Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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