Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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