I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
