i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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