I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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