please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
