Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
