ya dads aren't the best wingmen
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
