Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
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