Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
