He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
