I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
