I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
