He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
