I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
