Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
