I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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