my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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