HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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