hotel room ftw
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
a search helicopter?!
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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