god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
