I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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