We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My dick has a subreddit
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
