He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
