ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
True strength comes from lack of pants
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
