Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
