i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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