In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
