moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
