I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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