My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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