I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
