I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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