i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
