Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
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