yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
