I molested 6 butterflies tonight
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
