I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
