Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
