this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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