No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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