I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
