i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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