Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
