do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
