giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
