when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
