I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
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