omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
