Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
