I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
