If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
