Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
