Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
